I R HARDKORE GAMER

By Krazy Sam

Yeah, so everyone’s seen those continuing arguments why Final Fantasy VIII sucks and Final Fantasy I rules- usually posted on message boards by people with an IQ of two. And there are arguments on why Final Fantasy VIII rules and Final Fantasy I sucks- always by the same people. They usually consist of this:

< OlDsKoOL > FINAL FANTAZY 8 R SUX BKUZ THY HAVE GUD GRAPHIX! GUD GRAPHIX SUX0R WANG!!!!!1

<13370d0r170> NO WAY FINAL FANTASY 1 SUX AZZ BKUZ THE NAYMZ ONLEE HAV 4 SPACES! 4 SPACES SUX!!!!111111

Who’s heard it? *raises hand* Yeah, I thought so. Well, this argument is pointless and quite frankly, disturbing. There’s only so much idiocy a person can take before they go insane. I mean, hey! Look at me! I’ve been surrounded by idiots all my life! We all know where that got me.

What were we talking about?

Ah, yes. The argument. Old School versus RPGs of Today. Final Fantasy X versus Final Fantasy I. Chrono Cross versus Chrono Trigger. Most people have taken up residence on a side of the barbed-wire fence between the two camps. And you know what? I’m caught in the barbed wire. I have NO clue what side I should be on.

Here are the arguments for the old school camp. Old school has variety. RPGs today have pretty graphics and three-dimensional backgrounds, but two-dimensional characters and a plot you can smell all the way from New Delhi. (Unless you’re from New Delhi, in which case you can smell the plot all the way from Albuquerque)

RPGs today are plagued with cliché supervillains, predictable heroes, and BIZARRE supporting characters. And what the hell is up with the summoning? You wait, and you wait, and you wait some more for some blue chick in a bikini to deal a meager amount of damage to a bunch of enemies. Hell, you could’ve slashed them to death by the time the pretty eye candy and lens flares died down. Final Fantasy VIII SOMEWHAT got around that with the boost option, which let you feel like you were doing something while the lens flares were…uh… flaring… but the fact remains that it was EYE CANDY. The storyline of the game was fairly weak, but they attempted to compensate by cramming a bunch of eye candy down your throat.

And for the New RPGers, there are arguments in their defense. New RPGs are still pretty cool. You actually feel like you’re IN the game. Sometimes. What do old school RPGs have going for them? Hm… Black Mage! Well, yeah. Black Mages are cool, but that’s not the point. The point is, what would you rather stomp your enemies with? NUKE or Knights of the Round? I dunno, but the thought of a zillion and two knights beating the stuffing out of the bad guys just gives me a massive slaughtergasm that won’t stop. And the early RPGs had several problems, like bad translations and stuff. (Spoony Bard, anyone?) Well, okay, so did Final Fantasy Tactics, but that was a strategy game, not an RPG. So there. Nyah.

And when playing an old RPG, you HAVE to admit that every time you wandered into a town that looked suspiciously like the one that you just left, you wanted to find the nearest townsperson and strangle him for the love of all that was holy. At least with the newer games, you had several towns that looked different. Nibelheim did NOT look like Kalm. (Okay okay, maybe because Kalm was blue)

And RPGs now are, face it, cooler. You can kick monster ass with just about anything nowadays! Not like the old days where you were limited to swords, bows and arrows, hammers, staffs, rods, and that little weapon dealie with the chain and the two painful sticks that you swing around. (YES, I know what they are. I just can’t spell them for the life of me and my spellchecker can’t decipher my rancid butchering of the word) I mean, come on! You can use a DICTIONARY! Wait, wait… Final Fantasy Tactics isn’t an RPG. Let me try again. You can use CYMBALS! (Super Mario RPG. It’s legit. So there.)

Sam’s note: Dictionary.com has just informed me that the correct spelling of the two-sticks-on-a-chain is “Nunchaku.” Thanks for taking away my joke, spoilsport.

And there we have it. Arguments for both sides. Well, the purpose of this column is supposed to be a final score as to which is better, right? Right?

No.

This is why I’m caught in the middle. And why I deserve to be pitied by both sides.

Well, to begin with, I like some old school games. If you consider Chrono Trigger to be old school. I’ll probably like Final Fantasy IV if I ever get off of my Chrono kick and play the OTHER disc to Final Fantasy Chronicles. I bet if I played Final Fantasy VI and Final Fantasy V, I’d like them too. I even like Final Fantasy I, to an extent. (But that whole attacking a newly killed enemy thing just gets on my nerves. “INEFFECTIVE.” Talk about beating a dead mad pony.) They’re fun games. (Chrono Trigger, especially.) In fact, Chrono Trigger was the first RPG I ever played. It’s the reason I’m into writing fanfics. It’s the reason I’m an Internet junkie. (Indirectly)

But then again, I liked Final Fantasy VII and VIII, too. Lunar 2 rocks my socks. (Still haven’t gotten around to playing 1 yet because a friend of mine said she’d lend me the game and she still hasn’t (And she has my copy of Lunar 2, too!). Just a note to “Odessa”: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.) I played Suikoden 2 for a while, and although it frustrated me to no end, I still liked it. And people hate these games why? Okay okay, most people admit that the Lunar/Suikoden games rock. It’s the Final Fantasies they have a problem with. They hate the new FF games because they’re all graphics and no plot.

Y’know what? Those new Final Fantasy games have more plot than the oldest of the old school. So THERE.

Hell, Final Fantasy VII is the reason I got into the Final Fantasy scene. I fell in love with Sephiroth at first sight. The Turks are badass. And Final Fantasy VIII… although I had my problems with it (“Who the hell is THIS broad? Oh. She’s the final boss.”), I was truly sympathetic towards the characters and felt bad when they felt bad. Although I still don’t buy the whole “Who the hell are you? Oh wait, we grew up together” bit.

Okay, I’m starting to ramble. What I’m trying to say is, well, I love plots in my games. Not so much plot that your head explodes (I’m talking about Xenogears, but hell, I love that game so much anyway), but just enough plot to keep you interested. Like Chrono Trigger. I love memorable characters that people love because of their personalities- not because they just look cool (Like Magus and Vincent). I’m talking about Leo from Lunar 2. Actually, I’m talking about the entire cast from Lunar 2. They just ruled. (Still want to play Lunar 1… Still know where you live, Odessa.) I like pretty colors and neat spells. (FF7’s Ultima rocked my world.) But then again, I don’t like waiting eight hours for a summon to finish dealing three points of damage to an enemy. And I do prefer sprites over polygons. (Cloud has a triangle butt! Cloud has a triangle butt!)

Now, there is one game I’m not mentioning, and I’ll mention it now. Chrono Cross. Now, that game is just evil. It’s lacking everything I like in the games. I couldn’t find a plot after the first few hours of gameplay (I haven’t played it since then. Don’t let me in on the plot. My poor heart can’t take it), the characters are downright SCARY (and NO development to them! None!), and the spells weren’t even that pretty!

Erh… gratuitous Chrono Cross bashing aside (Sorry), I’ll get back to the argument. Bear with me, I’m almost done.

So what it all boils down to is, I like any game as long as it’s fun. Stupid plot? Idiotic final boss? No problem! Just as long as beating things up is fun. And as long as there’s ONE character I can point out and say “I’m in love,” then things should be fine. And yeah, sometimes I don’t mind that the characters have no past. It just makes it easier to write fanfics!

Well, I suppose that’s it. All you old school gamers and new generation gamers out there, stop fighting. So you don’t like certain games. Don’t play them. But don’t have flame wars over which is better.

But then again, some games with originality would be nice. I suppose this is directed toward the newer Final Fantasy games, which now have recycled character designs and plots. Now I HATE recycling, as far as characters and plots go. (But never toss out your soda cans, kids.) But they’re fun… so it shouldn’t matter, but recycled characters and plots… but it’s FUN! AAAAAAARGH! (Sam’s brain has now exploded.)

Wait, I said that was it. So I guess it is. Pardon my nonsensical ramblings, but I promised Icy I’d have some sort of column, and so you got KRAZY SAM’S DEMENTED RAMBLINGS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The End. Go away.

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