The Gamer's Commandments

By Kyukei

Hello, my name is Kyukei, and I am a gamer.


It's been only five minutes since my last game. I tried to call my sponsor, but when I realized I would have to disconnect from the Internet to do so, I just… I just couldn't! *Sob* … … …


Well, I thought it might be funny. In any case, I'm Kyukei. I've never posted a fanfic. I have never written a FAQ. In fact, I don't even know if I'd consider myself hardcore. I've never imported a game from Japan and played it, even without a translation of some sort. But I consider myself a gamer. But being a gamer, to me, means trying to follow a set of rules, of a sort. A 10… Actually, I could only do 9 commandments. Some people might agree with these, some might not. If this offends you because of the religious implications, relax; the commandments apply to everything in practical life, not just religion.

<<Kyukei's Personal 10… Umm… 9 Commandments to be a Gamer>>

9 - Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Goods.

In other words, please, don't be one of those people who owns the system and one controller, and that's about it.

"Hey, I heard you just finished playing <insert very cool game name here>! How was it, awesome, right? Say, if you're not using it…"

There's nothing wrong with borrowing a game or two from a friend, but I know some people who just borrow everything. I've borrowed games, but not indefinitely, like some I know or have heard of… *thinks of Krazy Sam's "Odessa…"*

In any case, try to own your own games, and lend them out when you're asked, so that you don't feel bad when you do end up borrowing one or two. Case in point would be when you and a friend each buy one game, play said game, and afterwards loan the two games to each other. That's not too bad, although it's not exactly legal. But it's a lot better, in MY eyes, than going around trying to find somebody who owns game X, so you can mooch.


8 - Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness.

Ok, I would think this would be obvious, but don't lie about what you've done. How many people have heard the same story about the friend of the cousin who saw somebody from school who claims out of the corner of his eye he spotted the Triforce in Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time? Or, for RPGs, if you manage to get to level 99 with 9999 hit points for each of your characters, and you go to the starting town and push up for eight days, once every five minutes exactly at the minute, you get taken to a special room where the entire code of the game is spelled out in Arabic. That's just not fun.

Also, don't lie about your own accomplishments. Don't say you've beaten the game until you have, or that you have gotten certain stats/weapons/items unless you have. It's just common courtesy, and it means that when you actually do get these items, it's all that more impressive because people will believe you.


7 - Thou Shalt Not Steal.


'Nuff said.


6 - Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery.

Ok, I had a hard time coming up with a gaming equivalent to this one… The best I can think of, is don't be a hypocrite when you discuss games with others. It's extremely bothersome to read a massively one-sided message board post or chatroom message bashing something, and shortly after hear the exact opposite thing from the same person. I don't have a problem with being open-minded. But there's no opinion you should hold that strongly, that you could do a 180 in such a short period of time. At least show some sort of logical progression. Example:

Week 1: I hate FFVII.
Week 2: Well, I have heard some good points, but I still don't like it…
Week 3: Maybe it's not so bad; it's true it was cool when…
Week 4: Ok, FFVII is a good game.


5 - Thou Shalt Not Kill.

Other than the obvious, there's a subtler message here. For gamers, it involves new players. This doesn't apply too much to RPGs, but even so, it still applies. This directly derives from Street Fighter-esque games, when an old hand whoops a newbie player. Be understanding when somebody is joining the gaming world. When introducing a friend to a video game s/he has never played before, and has no experience with games of the same type, be patient, explain everything to them, and above all, GO SLOWLY.

I personally have a very good friend that's an extremely adept at computer games, but never really dealt with consoles before, excepting a bit of Super Smash Brothers. I introduced him to Final Fantasy VI, and he now is more than skilled enough that I'd bet he's finished the game by the time he reads this, if he ever does. Although he still can't do Fire Dance (This means YOU, Foraker). But in the very beginning, I was sort of rushing through, trying to show him how to play on the console, and how it was different from an emulator. I almost didn't realize until I noticed I had basically played the first two bosses and their levels for him (Whelk and Vargas, woot!). I slowed down a bit, gave him the controller, and made sure not to touch it. It took a bit to explain Blitzes to him, obviously, but he's now more than competent, and as I said before, probably has the game whipped into shape by now. So, to reiterate, be patient with new players, as our elders were patient with us.


4 - Honor Thy Father and Mother.

In a bit of a correlation to the last one, this is for the newer players. Be respectful to those who come before you. Just because people like older stuff more than new stuff doesn't mean they don't have a reason for it. Generally, there's respect for the old-skool gamers because they know what they're talking about, and people can recognize that fact. But every once in a while, you'll get some n00b13 who is positive he is l337. He's beaten FFVIII in record time, compared to everybody in his neighborhood, and therefore he's the best in the world.

Guys, there are ALWAYS people better than you. Relax, and take that fact in stride. Find out who's better, and learn from them. And above all, never take an arrogant attitude about a VIDEO GAME (See Commandment 1…). You should also recognize that if somebody talks about the good old days when there were no graphics to compare (think: Zork), respect that s/he probably has more experience than you do (more than I do, for sure).


3 - Thou Shalt Remember and Keep the Sabbath Day Holy.

I figured now would be a good time to emphasize 'right time, right place.' Games are wonderful, fun experiences, but they have their own time. Don't get into a position where you're in trouble in school, at home, or with friends because you're gaming so much. Try to keep weekday gaming to a minimum, if you can, and a game is NEVER worth losing sleep over.

Now, playing a game until 8:00 AM the next morning on a Saturday or Sunday is fine. I've gone pretty late plenty of times, and woken up the next morning. But no game is worth getting in trouble in school for. If you're younger, you've got plenty of time, so just relax. If you're an older gamer, you'll still find time. Weekends aren't dead, you know, just dying…

Besides, if you do find yourself in a situation where you have no free time for playing video games, maybe you should take a look at your situation again, because everybody should have a bit of free time in their life.


2 - Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of the Lord in Vain.

Anger management. That's what it comes down to. It's a game. You shouldn't cuss. I do it. I shouldn't. It's not worth it, and if you find yourself so angry you feel like swearing, you should turn off the game for a bit and just take a break.


1 - Thou Shalt Have No Other G-ds But Me.

To boil it all down, it's just a game, so chill out, and have some fun. This is the MOST IMPORTANT COMMANDMENT OF ALL. If you can't enjoy yourself, turn it off. It should be the last G-d-like thing in your life, not the first.

Let me know what you think at
"To you I'm an atheist; to G-d, I'm the Loyal Opposition." - Woody Allen

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