Fight the Fanfic Chapter 3

Council of War

By Captain Gaul

In the ready room of the newly-converted Headquarters to Defend the Universe, Captain Gaul, Moe, Chi, and Lucca discussed their plans. Captain Gaul began with the briefing.

“We can track their plans as long as they maintain their personages in their own universe. If, as we expect, they invest their entire writing ability—not that it’s much—into characters in this universe, then it will be much more difficult.

“While they maintain their existence as writers, or whatever, in the other universe, they cannot become truly powerful in this universe unless they invest something else into their characters. Since they obviously don’t know what they’re doing, they will by default invest all of their desire and ability to write, as well as just a tiny bit of their life force.

“This means that they will become more attached to their characters. Killing their characters will result in their permanent expulsion from this universe, and a rather traumatic experience for them in their own universe. Unfortunately, this also means that they will be tougher to kill.

“There’s no direct limit to their power; they’re as strong as they make themselves. As reality authors, they can bend and even break the laws of this universe: as poor reality authors, they will, and regularly.

“Our own reality author, who bears my name, can attempt to limit their power, and even attack them directly through various events. However, being a significantly better author, he won’t break the rules, and he won’t make it very easy for us, even if he wants to.

“As time passes, there’s a good chance the enemy will gain significant power in our universe. You must remember that while the same consciousness controls both characters and rival authors, they are separate entities now. Even if their characters end up nearly dead, the authors may exert control over this universe. People you thought you knew may act strangely, stupidly, against their personality, or even violently. Rules you thought you could count on might not exist; or they might be applied unfairly. Combat could become strange, with things you never worried about prior becoming concerns, or your abilities suddenly failing you. And, if they gain too much power, all but a very few people may become possessed. The only living people that I know of whom are totally immune to their power are Moe, Chi, and myself. As products of Captain Gaul, only Captain Gaul can direct us. Even then, we maintain autonomy; people possessed by the enemy writers will likely be strictly controlled to whatever ends Frank and Devon dream up.

“Yes, Lucca, I believe you have a question?”

“Gaul, how are we going to fight them?”

“It’s really a defensive war, at least for now. We can’t attack them until they manifest themselves in our world; Chi will inform us when that happens. Even then, it wouldn’t be wise to attack them until they take some kind of solid position: they would have a definite advantage in direct combat, where their poor writing skills are irrelevant and in fact they might even help them. Yes, Moe?”

“Couldn’t we handle them? We took out Atmaweapon, didn’t we?”

“Yes, we did, but…er, well, let’s say that because Atmaweapon was also created by Captain Gaul, it had to obey the same rules we did. This pair, in addition to any characters they introduce to the universe, won’t necessarily have to.”

“Won’t that make them invulnerable?”

“It will make them very powerful, yes; but as long as Captain Gaul has some inkling of power, their characters will have to obey at very least the most basic rules, such as what causes death in humans. Decapitation, for instance, will continue to have the expected effect, unless they take over totally.”

* * *

Frank and Devon were taking their war very seriously. They had downloaded and printed out a couple maps of the Crono Trigger universe; and they had called over a friend of theirs who they assumed must be very strategy-minded on account of the fact that he could beat any mission of ‘StarCraft’ in twenty minutes. Tom had also taken this challenge very seriously, and, as Frank and Devon were discussing what they knew (wasn’t much), he was taking the trouble to create a character of himself to join Frank and Devon.

“Here, let’s write up some character stats….”

* * *

“NOO!!!!!!!!!!!” Chi screamed. A few heads turned, and she smiled and blushed. “Sorry. But it sounds like we’re gonna have some character stats coming through.”

Gaul held his hand against his head and groaned. Lucca leaned back in her chair and said: “Hey, let’s watch. We can find out what those bozos are gonna be like.”

* * *


Class: Sorcerer
Level: **
HP: 5000 (“Hey! That’s off the scale!”)
MP: 2500
Headgear: Bandanna
Body: Mystic Robes
Weapon: Wooden Staff
Accessory: Sphere of Ultimate Power (“Oh, that’s great. Real creative.”)
Elements: Fire, Water, Lightning, Shadow, Jade (“Shit. Nanaki’s gonna be pissed.”)

Class: Dark Knight (“What the hell’s with this class stuff? Are they doing Ogre Battle character stats or something?”)
Level: **
HP: 9999
MP: 999
Headgear: Indestructo Helm (“Oh please. That’s just pathetic.”)
Body: Indestructo Armor (“Yo Frank! If it’s impossible to lose, it sort of takes the excitement out of a story!”)
Weapon: Sword of Doomsday
Accessory: Gauntlets of Evil (“Sounds like a wonderful guy.”)
Elements: Shadow, Jade (“Guys, I am warning you. Even if we fail to kill you, Nanaki will.”)

Class: Shadow Prince
Level: *** (“Please tell me that’s a typo.”)
HP: ?????
MP: ???? (“So he doesn’t know his own HP and MP? What a loser.”)
Headgear: Crown of All
Body: Regal Cloak
Weapon: Scepter of Power
Accessory: Ruby Ring (“What’s all this supposed to mean? He’s a spoiled royal brat gone psychotic?”)
Elements: Shadow, Jade (“Hel-lo! Nanaki’s gonna kick your butts! You had better watch it, jerks!”)

* * *

“Well, they certainly managed to forgo anything like ORIGINALITY….”

“Cap’n sir, our worries our over! Just have the author e-mail the text as-is to Nanaki, and let him take care of the rest! When he’s done, those sons-of-bitches will be wishing they never were born!”

“It’s a nice thought, Moe, but there’s no guarantee Nanaki will intervene. All they’ve stolen so far is the element ‘Jade’.”

“Then e-mail it to Icy! They stole a WHOLE FREAKING PROLOGUE from him!”

* * *

Yeah, Icy would probably be mad enough to intervene. But if I get another author to intervene, it’ll destroy my credibility. I’ve got to handle these guys personally.

* * *

“Okay, guys, we’ve got characters, we’ve got maps, we’ve got a plan, let’s go!”

* * *

“Oh really? Didn’t sound like they had a plan.”

“Never mind that. We’ve got to be ready.”


Go To Chapter 4

Return To CT Fanfic