Lost Memories

By Quis

Never will I be able to smell the flowers blooming again. Never will I see Laguna again, I will never be able to show him our son, Squall, named for his grandfather Leonhart.

I am Raine Leonhart, or was, until I married Laguna Loire. A soldier, with a writer’s heart, and a leader’s mind.

But, now, my pain is finally over. My life; will be mercifully ended with the sweet sleep of death, which rewards it’s victims with a peaceful countenance.


Cauld winter was howlin’ o’er moor and o’er mountain
And wild was the surge on the dark rollin’ sea
When ah met abou’ daybreak a bonnie young lassie
Wha’ asked me the road an’ th’ miles to Dundee


Raine Loire stood silent as Laguna; dressed in his blue Galbadian uniform stepped into the truck. It was a rather wet, miserable day, kind of like how Raine felt at this moment. She was numb with grief.

How could they send him off to fight in the Sorceress War? There was no need for him, who had done his duty already, to serve Galbadia again. True, Kiros had enlisted with Laguna, but Kiros had no wife, or even his grandmother waiting for him when he returned.

She hadn’t told him they were expecting a baby; she had kept it as a surprise for when he returned. The only thing that kept her sane was a promise he had made, a promise to return to her.


Three months before.

Raine stood nervously in front of the mirror. She was too scared to go through with the ceremony. Nevertheless, her parents had undergone the same ritual, so could she.

“I kinda liked it your way, how you shyly placed your eyes on me…” she hummed, smoothing down the simple dress she wore. It was her mother’s, grandmother’s and great grandmother’s wedding dress, capped sleeves, tight, empire-style waistline, and long train. She was ready to go to the church now. Unaccompanied by anyone, she walked out into the square. The Winhill locals knew that she was getting married; little Ellie had spread it around the town.

Soon Raine was standing in front of the altar. “I, Raine Leonhart, take thee, Laguna Loire to be my husband. In sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, til death do us part” she said shyly.

Then Laguna recited his vows, and slipped a silver ring onto her hand. He hadn’t been able to get any other rings; this was something Kiros had managed to get a hold of.

They kissed. And that was that.

Some time later Laguna promised that he would come from the ends of the earth if she were in trouble.

~ Flashback ends ~

Laguna left that day, never to return to Winhill again. Never would Raine see Laguna, or hear his voice whisper her name. She was only twenty- five, and dying. She knew that having a baby would kill her.

There had been many uncertain months since he left.


Says I to the lassie I cannae weel tell ye
The road and th’ distance I cannae weel gie
But if ye’ll permit me tae gang a wee bitte
I’ll show you th’ road an’ th’ miles tae Dundee


Eight months later Raine fell ill with the flu. She knew she was dying, but she didn’t tell anyone. Not even the friends whom she’d known for a long time.

“The baby’s due soon” Raine told the townsfolk, “I’m looking forwards til I can hold my baby in my arms for the first time.”

The man who had taken over the pub duties was unimpressed. He hated women who were foolish enough to get pregnant, even if they were married. This was an awful time for Raine Loire to be going through.

“Pah! What do you want me to do?” he asked, spitting on the ground. Raine was insulted by the somewhat puzzling behavior of the man she had hired.

“I want you to stop making snide comments about me behind my back, thank you, Mr. Trepe” she said, hands on her hips.

Trepe looked at Raine’s stomach with pure hatred. “You pay me to work, woman, I do. What I say outta the pub ain’t none of your business. You women are all the same, each side of the world, heckling men to do your work, when you could do it yerselves.”

Raine stood silently, her face white with anger. She was sick of Trepe’s constant abuse and damaging her reputation.

“You are to pack your things and leave at once” she hissed, “go from Winhill, and never return. If you return, you will have to undergo the pain of death.”

“You bitch! You stupid slut, you whore!” Trepe yelled at her. “I ain’t leavin’ this town, no way. You can’t just turn me outta here without some reason”

“There is reason enough. You have come here like a plague of rats, who won’t leave. On the count of three, if you haven’t already left, I will call the soldiers in. One…two….three” Raine said, her face still white with rage.

“You didn’t gimme enough time, stupid whore!” Trepe shouted at Raine.

“Ellie! Can you get the soldiers?” Raine shouted down the stairs.

“Yep! Soldiers! I need yoo. Raine’s in trouble” Ellone shouted, running into the main street.

The soldiers ran with Ellone back to the pub. “Mrs. Loire, you called for us?” the captain asked.

“Yes, remove Trepe from my sight. He has offended me.” Raine replied.

“She’s lyin’. I never gave the woman any trouble” Trepe cut in over the top of Johnston and Raine.

“Trepe, you’re under arrest for assault. This woman is one of Winhill’s finest citizens. Why should we believe the words of an outsider like yourself?” Officer Johnston said, snapping the handcuffs on him.

“You’ll pay for this, Mrs. Loire” Trepe yelled, “Ah’ll make ya sorry ya ever saw the likes’ o’me.”

Raine said nothing, but she was seething with anger and hatred for Trepe. She wished to Hyne that Laguna would come home for her. But he didn’t.


At once she consented
And gave me her ahrm
Ne’er a word did I speer wha’ th’ lassie micht be
She appear’d like an Angel
In feature an’ form
As she walked by my side on the road tae Dundee


He was never to see Raine alive again. The next time he saw her, she would be in the solid oak coffin.

Some weeks had passed since Raine’s unpleasant experience with Trepe, and she was now nine months pregnant.

The baby was due any day now when Raine got the news that Laguna was Missing, Assumed Dead. She didn’t cry when she got it, but late that night, she had broken down. “White wind” she whispered, feeling the soothing healing wind on her face.

Mrs. Loire,
It is my regret to inform you that your husband is missing in action.
He is a brave soldier, who on many occasions has shown skill and initiative when it comes to battle.
My hopes are that he is alive and well.
Yours sincerely, madam
General Teom.

It was around midnight when Raine felt the first contraction. She hadn't expected it to be that strong.

Exactly twelve hours later, Squall Leonhart Loire was born. A red faced, dark brown haired, tiny little baby boy. Raine glanced at him, he was perfect.

“I shall call him Squall” she said to the midwife. To her, the name Squall was one of pride. For the name had once been the name of Hyne’s Champion Knight, and it was her grandpa’s name.

“Squall Leonhart, Squall Loire, the one and the same…” a shade murmured, nodding. “I sense he’ll have a battle between the evil that is yet to come. Raine let me hold the bairn. I promise I will not harm him”

Strangely enough, Raine listened, and handed baby Squall over.

“Here” she said, her head bowed.

The shade took the infant. “He is a strong healthy boy… where is his father?”

“His father, Laguna is missing, assumed dead” Raine said sadly.

“So you believe the word of the general, do you?” the shade questioned. “Laguna is safe, he is in Esthar”

“Esthar?” the word came as a cry, “he’ll be executed! There’s no way in the world that Laguna would live under Adel!”

“Calm, now, think of your baby. I will put a charm on him, he will not be hurt by it. Vividarium et intervigilium et viator In a garden there sleeps a messenger. It’s a prophecy to be fulfilled.” the shade said, and then vanished.

Squall was instantly in his mother’s arms as the shade vanished from sight

He cried as Raine lifted him to her breast to feed, and it was a peaceful time for both of them.


At length wi’ the Howe an’ the Strathmartine behind us
The spires o’ the toon in full view we could see
She said “gentle sir, I’ll never forget ye
For showin’ me so far on th’ road tae Dundee”


Raine died shortly after this, but with her final breaths she called out for Laguna, but he never came.

The next time Laguna saw Raine, the lid was firmly on the plain oak coffin. He had left without telling her how much he loved her, and how dear she was to him. The promise he had made to her now came into his head, it was I will love thee, and leave thee not. I promise to return to you again, Raine.

In his arms he held his son, Squall. The baby his wife had died having, Raine’s lasting legacy to the world. It would be seventeen years until he would set eyes on his son again.

He cried as the coffin was lowered into the ground., and a song he hadn’t heard in years started to play..


Ah took the gowd pin from the scarf on my bosom
And said “keep ye this in remem’rance o’ me”
Then bravely I kissed the sweet lips o’ the lassie
Ere I parted wi’ her on the road tae Dundee


Laguna smiled softly seventeen years later, as he remembered Raine as an angel.

He had become President of Esthar in that time, and Ellone was with him once again, he hadn’t told Squall he was his father, yet, and soon would. It was the pang of remorse Laguna still felt for not being by Raine’s side when she died.

She had been just like the angel in the song, in both body and spirit. But she was gone, like the leaves in the tree on a windy autumn day, and would never return to be by Laguna’s side.

Laguna had traveled, and wound up in Esthar, but that was only part of a larger journey to retrieve Ellone from the insane and inhumane Doc. Odine.

Laguna glanced once more at the ring on his left hand, and remembered how much time it had taken just for Kiros to find the rings in the first place. He smiled as Ellone’s magic took him back to that day, where he had slipped the ring onto Raine’s hand, and how he had raised his other hand to show her the other ring. Raine had come running to him, and the two of them had embraced, with Laguna reminding her just how much he loved her.

The trance ended, and Laguna was sent back to the real world, smiling as he watched the Garden fly overhead. Laguna still hadn’t told Squall, but he thought that Squall could have guessed the truth, after seeing Winhill through his father’s eyes under the spells that Ellone used.

Raine was dead, long gone, and Laguna was eighty. His son had become a Knight to Sorceress Rinoa, turning his back on SeeD and his friends from the Orphanage. He had become like Seifer, proud, arrogant, cocky and a real knight, sworn to do the Sorceress’s bidding. Esthar had fallen, as had Deling City. Winhill and Timber were the only places Sorceress Rinoa had not razed and pillaged.

Laguna had returned to Heaven and Raine.


So here’s tae the lassie
I’ll ne’er forget her
An’ ilka young laddies that’s a lihstin’ tae me
I’ll ne’er be sweer tae convey a young lassie
Though it’s only tae show her the road an’ th’ miles tae Dundee

Quis' Fanfiction