Love is a Joke

By In Fine

Well, I'd have to say it all began a few years ago before all this "Toran Republic" jargon began.

I was about fourteen, a third-class soldier serving under old man Maxilillian and his assistant Sancho. It wasn't that bad. The aging warrior's combat training, as outlandish as it was, proved to be quite effective once we were on the battlefield... Not that we SAW all that much trouble until our honorable master Max decided all of a sudden to join up with some kid named... I think it was McDohl or something. Apparently he was the son of the late Teo McDohl.

At first I was ecstatic! Here I thought: Great. I'll get to spend the rest of my fighting career in some big castle, lazing around.

Unfortunately, this was not the case...

That psycho Mathiu Silverberg and that bastard Sanchez took over the training sessions, so now me and the rest of "Maximillian's" knights were stuck serving these two oddballs. And if that wasn't enough, we had to spend our days in some run-down cave! I mean yea, it had one or two murals or pieces of carpeting in it, but honestly! It was cold! It was damp! It was MISERABLE!

Of course... if it was all bad, I wouldn't be writing this.

When I was walking around the old shack of a castle, I suddenly come upon this girl. She was the cutest freaking thing I'd ever seen! I tried to talk to her, but she ignored me! Just flat out shot me down. Here's pretty much how it went:

"Hey cutie pie. What's up?"

"Hold on, I'll be right with you."

And she walked away! Just turned around and walked down the stairs.

I talked with that Onil lady, and she told me that this lil lady was the niece of some guy named Juppo. I'd heard of Juppo, but I never knew he had a niece.

Now if I had ANY common sense, Id've given up the ship right here. Unfortunately, It so happens that I'm a stupid moron.

For the next few days, I tried to get a hold of this Juppo guy. I could never find him! He was always lurking here, or building there, or blowing that up, or building a giant mechanical roulette wheel. (From what I heard, McDohl and his guys almost killed Juppo for making one in General Lepant's house. Long story.)

So finally, I decided to forget looking for him and just get what information I needed (namely EVERYTHING there was to know about Juppo's niece) so I could worm my way into her life.

It was at about this time that the Ice Boat thing happened and that nut job Mathiu decided to attack Sonya Shulen's base. It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever seen. All these thousands of guys packed into the little tiny boats made of frozen water. I remember one guy saying: "Davis, I'm thanking the Gods we don't need to use those fire-spears right now."

I just about cracked up. I think it was Tai-Ho. That guy was great, especially when he started suckin down all that sake. But that's another story.

Anyway, I was sitting on one of these boats, and I happen to look into the water, and guess who's reflection I see! Yep, that Juppo's niece chick again! She was in a boat a little further down, holding her lil darts at the ready. I'm thinkin: "Man, I hope she doesn't get hurt."

Then I REALLY flaunted my stupidity.

With a loud splash, I jumped out of my boat, and swam like a madman to the other one. All the while I kept hearing voices yelling:

"What are you doing you nimrod!? Get back in the boat!"

"Put yer shirt back on!!!"

"We're going to war, you freak! This is no time for a swim!"

So I tried not to pay attention as I grabbed the side of the boat, and attempted to pull myself in. But guess what. That creepy dude Pesmerga was in the boat too. He gave me this LOOK. I mean this REALLY mean "I'll kill you in your SLEEP" kind of look. He reached back and kicked me right in the chin. He was wearing ARMOR at the time. It damn-near busted my chin open. I flew off the boat, but then, being the super-genius that I am, decided to climb back in again! As one of my hands (I'm not sure which cause I was still dizzy) got on the side of the boat, I feel a hand on mine. I look up, expecting to get a boot to the forehead, only to see the chick right there, offering to help me into the boat! I was too much out of it to answer, so she lugged me in anyway. I was just about to thank her when suddenly the first volley of arrows and magic came from Shazaraza, or whatever it was called. Then suddenly she grabs me and pulls me in front of her.

Luckily Liukan only diagnosed me with a few cuts and some-degree burns. I had to stay in bed a few days, but it was ok. We ended up with Shazaraza, Sonya Shulen, and one less Mathiu after the whole ordeal.

A few weeks later, the leader guys were starting to plan their assault on Gregminster, and I started to think: "Well damn! This war'll be over soon and then the girls gonna vanish! I'd better get cracking!"

After a little grilling session with Onil, I finally managed to track down ol' Juppo. The guy looked creepy. CLOWN creepy. Not as creepy as Milich Oppenheimer, but still. He freaked me out. The conversation went something like this:

"Hey, Mr. Juppo."

"Someone will be right with you."

Like uncle, like niece, I decided as I stared evilly at Juppo. I almost clubbed him over the head with my staff, but I restrained myself. I continued even after he'd stopped listening.

"I just wanted to ask you about your niece-"

"What? What about Meg?"

THAT got his attention.

"Y-yea... MEG. I... I really like her. She's cute, and-"

"SHHHH!" Juppo shushed me, grabbing me hard by the shoulder. "Let me give you a hint, boy. DON'T BOTHER. She'll cause you nothing but SUFFERING. I've spent my... no... HER whole blasted life trying to get RID of her!" He scowled. "If she DOES get attached to you, you'll be in for a one-way ticket to purgatory, pal."

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"She can't be THAT bad..." I whispered.

"Oh yes, she CAN, and she IS. I never get a moment's PEACE!" He growled. Suddenly his head shot up as he heard a call echoing throughout the cave.

"Oh Uncle JUUUUUUUppOOOOO!" Davis recognized the voice. He turned and saw Meg trotting out of the elevator, carrying a toy robot. "You told me you'd teach me how to improve robots today!"

"She's all yours, lover-boy." Juppo said quickly before literally THROWING me at her and jumping out the door. I couldn't stop myself and I tripped.

Unfortunately, during my stumbling my flailing hands accidentally found themselves somewhere between her neck and her stomach... *ahem*...

Long story short, the thing ended with Alen and Grenseal dragging me off of Meg, me trying to apologize, and Meg brushing herself off amd skipping away like nothing had happened!

Nevertheless, I ended up cooling my heels in the prison for a few hours. Maximillian lectured me on the concept of chivalry, Sanchez came down and told me to stop being a "nuisance to all that is good and holy" and a small rat attempted to eat part of my boot.

Days later, we were now on the brink of the final battle to take over Gregminster, and everyone was so excited and busy sharing tender moments. I, however, was spending time in my room attempting to get Meg out of my head (And to try and recover from my various still-healing wounds).

Finally, I decided that I'd go and assist her with whatever I could until she'd notice me. The next morning, I made every attempt to follow her and every time she needed something, I was always there to provide. From Mega Medicine to Axle Grease, I was always there to lend a hand. She was STUBBORN though. She tried to ignore me at every turn.

Luckily, my stupidity was built in for just such an occasion.

I began to screw up. Intentionally. On every possible task I could conceivably be assigned.

She needed a socket wrench; she'd get a chunk of brick.

She needed some axle grease; she'd get some chocolate syrup.

She needed some gears; she'd get a small block of Feta Cheese.

Finally, as if waking up for the first time in a decade, she stood up from her work, and turned around to face me.


"But at least now you're talking to me..." I slapped a hand over my mouth, grunting at what I'd just said.

"Huh?" She cocked her head at me, giving me a confused expression. "Well of COURSE I'm talking to you. Why wouldn't I?" She asked as if I were the weird one in the conversation.

I sighed and looked back at her.

"Well... now that you and I are talking, you think you and I could-" before I was able to finish, good ol' Alen and Grenseal showed up.

"It's that kid again! Doesn't he know when to give up?" Alen growled fiercely.

"DAMN!" I swore as I bolted for the stairs. As I ran at top speed down the incline, I realized they'd most likely use the elevator to beat me down, so I just kinda froze.

"Manthey'regonnafindmeandthey'regonnakillmeandthere'snothinIcando..." I thought furiously as I turned and looked out the window. "Of course!"

I lunged up to the windowsill, turned, and shouted: "SO LONG, SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa-" I shouted as I leapt from the window and put my hands out.

It shouldn't have been a long fall. I had only jumped from the first floor window, but what I forgot to take into account was that this castle was basically an island.

"-aaaaa- OHHH SHHHIIII-"


When I awoke, I was back in the prison, bruised all over, being lectured by Maximillian and attacked by many, many rats.

"Well, at least she talked to me this time." I muttered as soon as everyone had left.


Well, it was the closing days of the war, and Emperor Barbarossa had just been defeated. Already I could see everyone starting to leave, whether it be to Gregminster, Jowston, or Highland, the population of the castle was quickly getting smaller.

I hadn't had much time to talk to Meg, both because I was usually hospitalized and she was usually nowhere to be found.

Finally, I found her working in the basement, apparently working on one last automaton before she left.

"H-hey..." I called to her nervously as I walked down, my eyes adjusting to the dim lights of the basement. As expected, she was too engrossed in her work to answer, but I could tell she was at least listening. "I-I know the was is gonna be over pretty soon... and... we'll all be leaving..." I started, not really knowing where I was going with it.

"Umm... are you going anywhere with this?" Meg asked as she stood and turned to face me, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

I just kinda looked at her for a long time, shifting uncomfortably, and trying to get those annoying words out of my mouth. Finally, I sighed, gave up, and looked behind her to the thing she was building.

"So... what kinda gadget is that?" I asked, taking a step toward it.

"Hm? Oh this? He's not a gadget, he's a robo-" She stopped ad looked down at it. "Actually, you know what, that's a pretty good name for it... Gadget..." She eyed the barrel-looking thing approvingly. I smiled a little, beginning to back out of the room.

"Hey... Davis, was it?" I heard her usually loud, piping voice, now strangely quiet and reserved. I stopped in my tracks and stared at her.

"Y-yea?" I answered chokingly.

"You know, this war should have been a big, scary ordeal for me... with all the killing and burning villages and stuff... I mean I like adventures an' all, but... I just wasn't used to it... but you know, it wasn't all bad once I found somebody who could provide a little comic relief... I mean Uncle Juppo's never around and talking to robots doesn't really getcha anywhere..." She took a few small paces in my direction, making me a touch nervous. She stopped about half a foot in front of me and simply stared at me. All of a sudden, she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed me lightly on the cheek.

I froze, a stupid, shocked expression taking over my face. I stood there as she packed up her equipment, picked up her invention, which she had christened "Gadget", and walked past me out of the basement.


In recollection, I realize that she was a trickster who loved to travel. I'm not much for walking, so I only would have held her back... It really hurt me when I decided not to follow, but I did what I felt was best.

After all, all that's happened to me between then and now was that now Ol' Maximillian decided to join up with yet ANOTHER army. I dunno anything about this one; Apparently some Hero kid and some Military Strategist named Shu are the leaders.

All I can say is it's doubtful I'll ever see Meg again. It's been 3 years since the fall of the Scarlet Moon Empire, and she could be on the other side of the world by now... I just wish I could have said good-bye...


Questions? Comments?

In Fine's Fanfiction