Silver White Dreams

By Ethrial

Selphie sat in the window ledge of her dorm overlooking the Quad, and let out a bleary smile. She could just see the unfinished stage from her position, in the process of being built for the Summer Garden Festival. It was going to be so good this year. Silvery moonlight reflected off her pale skin and flipped honey brown hair as she pulled her brightly colored blanket around herself tighter to fight the evening chill. She then yawned despite herself. It was somewhere in the late night/early morning gap and in the past few weeks she had been seeing a lot of that time limbo.

Turning her head she looked back into her own disorganized messy dorm room; she almost went back in, but then decided against it, knowing that she would never be able to get to sleep in there anyway. She caught sight of her reflection in the pane of glass and scowled. The dark circles under her eyes were really beginning to show and the make-up she feebly applied was not enough to hide them anymore. That plus the fact that there was next to nothing she could do about her blood shot eyes made her even more frustrated. Flinging the blanket back into the room, Selphie dangled her legs further off the ledge and peered down into the blackness, ignoring the cold.

An excited shiver ran through her body as Selphie drew her hand forwards to touch the perfect darkness of the unlighted Quad below her. I wonder what it would be like to fall? Selphie wondered dreamily, closing her eyes and exhaling, lost in the moment before she jolted out of her trance, realizing that she had been unconsciously edging further and further towards the edge. Shuddering she quickly jumped back inside and shut the window. What is wrong with me? Selphie thought to herself as she paced back and fourth on the carpet. Why the hell did I just do that? Furrowing her brow, Selphie leaned back on her bed and brought her hands up to her face. Groaning she sat back up again, looking at her feet. How come I'm not tired yet?

Restless, Selphie finally gave into temptation and reached into her underwear drawer, where her special box was hidden. Groping around in the near darkness, she finally located it and pulled it into view. The small square she held in her palm was just slightly bigger that a matchbox and the plain silver exterior was cold to the touch, glinting softly in the moonlight. Smiling she held the tiny box to her heart and let out a relived sigh. It was still there. Not that it wouldn't have been. No one would ever have guessed just by looking at it, what wondrous joy, what marvelous pleasure, this innocent little box held inside.

Slowly Selphie clicked open the lid, peering inside, determining how much was left until she had to refill it again. Frowning, she noted that she was going through more of it every week. This was directly related to the fact that it was getting harder and harder to get the buzz she needed to get through the day with the normal amounts she was taking. Therefore she had to increase the amount she was using. Cursing to herself with words that even Zell would be shocked at, Selphie set it down on the side table and kneeled on the floor below it. She needed more. Of course, she had the money to pay for it, that was of no consequence. Her SeeD paycheck at the end of each month was more than enough to pay for life's little necessities.

Using the tip of her pinkie finger, Selphie dipped it into the pearly shimmering powder and brought it to eye level. Selphie only ever bought high grade stuff, and that meant it was completely pure; it hit the bloodstream hard and fast after it was absorbed through her nasal tissues. Selphie always snorted it, because although it would have been easier to shoot it up, that possibility was ruled out, simply because the short sleeved yellow dress she was always wearing would expose her tracks to anyone that half looked.

Selphie reached over to her bag and pulled out a nail file, an instrument she often used to balance the powder while she brought it up to her nose. She needed to take enough tonight, to once again to blot out the horrible dark feeling that was constantly hanging over her head; the same aching feeling that grew even worse whenever she saw Irvine flirting with another girl, or when she went to visit Trabia to help with the recovery efforts.

Everything in her life felt so tedious, pointless and futile, but with that one little box, everything filled with color and light and happiness, and all her reasons to be sad faded away and became nothing more than complacent memories. It offered her the most wonderful state of consciousness; the most intense state of being alive to the degree that normal life seemed anti-climactic. Until the darkness was banished by her beautiful lady snow, if only for a little while, she would remain sleepless, dreamless and listless.

With a reluctant smile, Selphie inhaled sharply and the whiteness disappeared from the file. It was reverse snowing. Amused, Selphie brought down the file for more. Peace was coming. Again she sniffed the end of the file.

Time to forget.

She took more that night than she had ever taken before. And it felt good. Selphie finally fell asleep with a smile on her face. Tomorrow was another day. And she was prepared to face it, with her lady at her side.

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