A Typical Arrest in Truce Village
By Captain Gaul
KINGDOM OF GUARDIA, 1000 AD
RECORD OF ARREST
DESCRIPTION: Three teenage vandals trespassed on property of Truce Mayor after dark. Authorities arrested trio with little resistance. Case went to court the following week, on June 7, 1000. Sentence of two-day solitary confinement was declared. June 11, 1000, trio escaped custody.
PAST CRIMINAL RECORDS:
Accused of criminal abduction of Princess Nadia. Found guilty instead of running off with royalty, sentenced to five days solitary confinement. Verdict and sentence apparently overturned by chancellor, incidentally the prosecutor. To be executed on third day. Escaped from custody, pardoned on grounds of saving all life on Earth.
No record on file. Records Updated June 7, 1000.
No record on file. Records reportedly updated June 7, 1000, but no record found on audit (June 8, 1000). Attempts at creating additional file on suspect have failed.
TRANSCRIPT OF INCIDENT
Arresting officer arrived at scene at approximately three in the morning.
"Guardia Patrol! Freeze!"
Arresting officer approached startled trio.
"Okay, you're all under arrest."
Suspects were spread-eagled against the wall. Crono and Glenn were successfully disarmed of swords, (broad and kantana) attempts at disarming Robo met with embarrassing failure.
"You are under arrest for attempting unlawful entry of mayoral property, and after dark at that. Similarly, you are charged with bearing an unlicensed and dangerous-looking kantana, and for not having a permit for bearing antiques."
"Mine sword is not an antiquity!"
"Yeah, sure, froggy, and you're no mystic. You are also charged with having an unlicensed humanoid android in your possession-I'm pretty sure that's against the law, or at least is should be by the time this case comes to trial.
"Now then, you are under arrest. Your rights are as follows: You have the right to remain silent, unless you're Crono, in which case you would seem to be lacking a choice. You have the right to speak, except for that green guy, because: one, we don't like mystics here, and two, his dialect really bugs me. You have the right to a defense, and you have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford Pierre, he will be hired for you by the state anyway, because Pierre is the only lawyer on the planet, except for the chancellor, who doesn't really count because he's kinda the DA. You have the right to a "fair" trial in which anything you said or didn't say will be misquoted and used against you. Similarly, you are invited to have your flimsy defense case shattered by the inaccurate stories of heavily bribed witnesses. You are within your rights to be loathed by the peanut gallery, merely for the fact that the only way they get to observe an execution is if you lose your case. Despite overwhelming odds, you still have the right to a fairly competent jury, except for the one member who votes guilty at every trial regardless of the evidence. You also have the right to a court case that doesn't center around if the incident even happened, but around the basis that you are or are not the sort of character who might do this sort of thing--sort of the world's way of punishing you for those minor wrongs you did and those minor rights you didn't. You have the right for the verdict and the sentence, whatever may be declared, to be misread by the chancellor to fit his own demented purposes. You have the right to incompetent guards, who are perfectly capable of knocking unconscious a healthy teenager with one blow but will reliably fall for the oldest trick in the book and are incapable of striking you down once you are armed. In a related right, you have the benefit of being disarmed at your trial and booking, but your weapons will be returned upon placement in your cell, and the guards will not have the benefit of knowing, You have the right to incapable security forces, and are invited to take advantage of them. You have the right to senseless brutality by guards and staff members alike.
"Have I missed anything?"
Final comment drew blank stares from suspects.
"Well then, you're all coming with me."
RECORD OF ARREST PRINTED BY: Captain Gaul
AUTHENTICATED BY: King Guardia
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